It hurt yesterday. Because I felt like a rag doll. It hurts today. I have a greedy heart, don't I? I want more than I can have ~ both things at once. I should have never gotten myself into this. I knew what was going to happen if I did. But, I continued anyway. Was it out of excitement? Or fear? I think it was mainly fear, of hurting someone. And, now, there is this attatchment to him. I feel so vulnerable. Everything here is a reminder of him. That silly looking fan he got for me while he was in Hawaii with his EX; the Godiva chocolates he gave me for Valentine's; the cute beanie baby giraffe and elephant he got me from New Mexico; the cardboard we used to make the rib project; my clips i bought from Icing that were thrown down to the ground before i felt like a throw away. I fail to understand what he is going through though. But, I blame him for even getting involved with me when I was/am going out with someone. I blame him for pursuing me constantly. I hate him for all the gifts he's given to me because I relish in them when I shouldn't. It hurt when I was mean to him. Because I am not a mean person, but in a way, I forced myself to be because he treated me that way. And, I know I hurt him. He dropped me off abruptly. I didn't look back because I knew it would hurt more.

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